"Some people say that wiping a baby’s mouth is violent. Is that true?" My answer
My sister, who is also the mother of my niece, asked me this week end:
"Some people say that wiping a baby’s mouth is violent. Is that true?"
Here’s what I answered:
Yes, it's true that we 're getting and need to be more caution. But to say that it's violence—I find that a bit harsh. Actually, it’s not whether we do it or not that’s the problem. It’s more about how it’s done.
1. The act of interrupting
What we need to understand is that some gestures are interruptions. Interruptions in their exercice of exploring the food, exploring the discomfort of new sensation, interruption in their food-play, interruption the whole energy consuming exercise of eating, staying still and focus on food.
Imagine yourself at work, really focused on a task that demands all your attention. Now imagine your colleagues come in and interrupt you—they appear out of nowhere, and without checking if you're ready to listen, they start talking anyway. You're forced to stop what you were doing, and your energy scatters.And if you’ve experienced that, you know how hard it is to get back into the flow of your thoughts.
So no, I wouldn’t say it’s violence. I’d say it’s more like a lack of respect, or a lack of interest in the other person’s state.
2. The bodily intrusion
Violent or not violent, true, it's an important question, but to me the more interesting one, is the question that comes next: "How can I do it in a respectful, non-intrusive way, while really considering the othe r person?"
So, how do we do it?
Well, if we really need to intervene, we prepare the baby and explain what we’re going to do:
"Hey sweetheart, you’ve got food all around your mouth!Look, I’m taking the spoon and…"(wait for their eyes to meet ours)"…it's touching your cheek and.... wouup 'till your mouth"
I get their attention, and most importantly, I wait for that attention before doing anything. Once I have it, I explain what I’m going to do. And if possible, I turn it into a game or a song. You are not doing it for them anymore, you are doing it with them. And it changes everything.
My other sister brought up gynecologist appointments—not always the most comfortable experiences. Sometimes necessary, yes, but they feel very different when no one explains what’s happening.
Yep, that a deep (maybe controversial) opinion, but more interesting it was a deep discussion. So feel free to join it, and tell us how you see things. Because I believe, what 's rich in difficult discussion like that is the nuances, the solutions that comes from it.Let's explore that !Heartfully yearsLouise, la puericultrice